Chapter 22: Elconic Disco, Bowl Edition

The first thing that everyone noticed was that the gems from the golems were gone, giving them a fairly ominous looking appearance, all pockmarked and spiky. Then their minds caught up and they registered that Gemmask Jee had just trapped them in his gambling den via a magical upside down bowl, which was created via magic bowls. Gemmask Jee liked his bowl magic, great for containing things.

“Just who even makes a place so that they can do that?” Habi objected.

“That’d be me! I always say it is best to be prepared!” Gemmask Jee purred.

“Prepared for what?” Mobby, the rebcubre wondered.

“Why, to play a game my dear girl! I call upon the circles of this place, COMBINE AND SET THE GAME!” Gemmask Jee shouted.

He jumped backwards between his golems as they rushed towards each other, arms seeming to be held out in order to embrace each other. There was a dull clap as they slammed into each other, and Gemmask Jee was right where they hit each other. Nobody could see if he had been crushed, then the Golems shone with multicoloured light so that nobody could see anything.

After a bit of stumbling about and screaming from those weak to light, sight returned to those who been caught watching the golems. Before everyone was a massive golem with four legs and four arms and a large bowl in which Gemmask Jee rested, wearing a new mask that was like the golems, it looked like it should have had gems in it, but instead it was pockmarked with empty spaces.

Empty spaces that looked quite like bowls in a way.

Gemmask Jee laughed like the clattering of ransom.

Then the lightshow started. The edges of the bowls lit up in many colours, then the light from these circles burst and slid like water, covering the inside of the bowls, and swirling madly. Gemmask laughed again and the bowls began to change colour, switching colours faster and faster until they reached a speed that was not blinding, but not altogether that far from it.

“Well, isn’t this pretty” Sachs said.

“What magic is this? One you can’t find in books?” Golbassy pondered.

“Be careful Golba, I don’t trust these bowls at all!” Habi whispered to her.

“Tch” Ramaros tched.

“I think I feel sick” Alfreed complained.

“AWESOME DUDE!” Hammer expressed.

“I’m not stepping on any of those” Heed said.

“Me neither” Hood said.

“I’m not doing any stepping… I don’t have any feet” B2T joked.

*Neiiiiiighh* Eadam neiiiiiighhed his displeasure. It was his best displeased neigh.

“It wasn’t funny when the First Rock did it, B2T, it isn’t funny when you do it” Davis complained.

*Woof* Madog woofed.

“Don’t find me, Don’t find me, Don’t find me, Don’t find me” Monochrome repeated.

“RARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!” Screamed Gordon.

He was charging at Gemmask Jee of course. Gordon couldn’t quite manage a good blood-curdling battle cry, but that was probably because he was a hunter and used to being quiet, it was likely for the best, blood shouldn’t be curdled, not at all healthy. Some fighters swear by a good blood-pickling cry though.

Gordon stepped into a bowl that turned red. Jee’s Double golem sprang into movement, four powerful legs pumping and Gordon found himself facing two right arms held out to smack into him as the Golem passed.

“Red means attack!” Gemmask shouted.

Gordon flipped himself into the gap between the two arms.

“Nine out of ten on that flip!” Sachs called out.

“Zero! The really important part is the landing!” Gemmask Jee shouted.

Gordon was about to fire his crossbow while still in the air, however he hadn’t expected the golem to be able to swing its whole torso around, and so he was swatted out of the air, he tumbled into a bowl that turned blue, instantly azure ethereal chains coiled themselves around his body.

He struggled but to no avail.

“I’ll get you, whoever you are! Don’t think this can hold me forever!” Gordon shouted.

“Well, blue does mean that you’ll be stopping for a while, it is another colour that stops you completely” Jee sniggered.

“What are you doing! Attack!” Ramaros shouted at Eadam and his gang, from a ceiling fixture of course, using his own natural spun ropestuff no less.

Eadam, Mobby, B2T, Sachs, Alfreed, Heed and Hood all advanced on Golbassy and Habi, doing their best to avoid the bowls, which Hammer had gotten a bit distracted by.

Gemmask Jee took the time to reprimand Ramaros for choosing to avoid the bowls by hanging from the ceiling.

“How cowardly of you, to not join in on the fun! A coward’s reward is your due!” He announced.

Ramaros felt the disco-orb he was on rustle, he looked down at him, it looked back, and more than that, it opened a mouth filled with jagged teeth. With a shriek Ramaros swung away to another orb. This one also got eyes and a mouth. Ramaros tried this two more times before he decided he really didn’t want to be chased by more than four of the mouthed disco orbs, he swung about the ceiling while being chased by them.

This was actually not that different from traditional elconic disco, which involved chasing after such disco orbs while wearing a bedsheet, the objective was to catch all the orbs before they ate all the pills set out for the disco or before the party goers are all eaten. All of this had to be done while dancing and while music was played. It used to be quite popular, but it mostly died off when the top partiers got eaten by disco orbs. Given the amount of dead denizens that were usually involved, it comes as no surprise that deader than disco is not a phrase unfamiliar to the average elconic citizen.

Golbassy and Habi watched their advancing former minions, wondering how best to deal with them. She took a deep breath. Her eyes glowed she floated up. Eadam and his gang halted.

“Haha, looks like I’m on the winning side, yeah that’s right! Freeze in fear and awe! I’m going to beat the stuffing out of all of you! This is going to be great!” Davis gloated.

“Not again” Alfreed worried.

“This is suddenly not seeming worth it” Sachs fussed.

“Glowing is pretty bad, yeah” B2T

“I could take her” Mobby said confidently.

“Hey, what about me, could you take me Mobby? Hello? Mobby? Hello?” Davis said.

“Yes, you could take several books to the face and a load of book magic, wonderful idea girl, you go get her!” Sachs snapped at Mobby.

Heed and Hood were frantically loading their two-man crossbow, they were quite glad that nobody noticed they had been silly enough to advance when they would have been betting hanging back and firing from where they were. They were also glad nobody had noticed they didn’t even load the thing. Really they were pretty embarrassed.

“You guys aren’t even listening to me are you?” Davis whined.

*Neiiiiigh*

Eadam began, ready to make an inspiring speech to motivate his companions.

Then Habi spoke frankly.

“Look, Ramaros is getting chased by the disco orbs, clearly he is losing, you should switch over to the winning side, which is me, now.”

She continued to float ominously, a small novella slipped out of a sleeve and began to orbit her head.

“I-it’s ok, I don’t need you to acknowledge me, I’LL HIT YOU WITH THE EARTH, THEN YOU WON’T IGNORE ME!” Davis shouted.

Heed and Hood, having loaded their crossbow aimed it at Ramaros and fired. They didn’t hit, but Ramaros was hard pressed to avoid both the block and the disco orb.

Then Eadam, Sachs and Alfreed began picking up debris and tossing it at Ramaros, Mobby however was picking up whole chairs and other large objects and chucking them at the assassin hunter. B2T just kind of impotently rolled in Ramaros’ direction.

Davis dejectedly sat down.

“I missed my chance to beat them up” He sobbed.

“OH NO!” shouted Hammer “Another brainwashing magician! Sorry Dudes and Dudettes, I got distracted by the colours!”

“What?” said Habi and Golbassy, both quite confused.

He spun his hoopstick and released it, sending his head through the air towards Eadam.

“I’LL SAVE YOU NOW WITH MY EXPLOSIONS!” he screamed through the air.

“Nooooooo!” screamed Eadam “If you want to save me, why are you attacking me!?!”

The rest of the gang dove for cover, while Gemmask Jee giggled in his golembowlseatthing.

There was a single solitary clang. Eadam neighed a neigh of relief.

The rest of his gang also sighed, and climbed back towards him. There was the muffled sound of someone trying to talk from Eadam’s battlepan. He lifted it up, perplexed. There, hanging onto the edge by his teeth was Hammer’s head.

Eadam tried to fling him away, but Hammer just let go of the pan.

“I have to do this because I care dudes and dudettes” he said as he fell amid them.

Then he exploded. That was Eadam’s gang down for the count, well apart from Davis, but he had become stunned by the realisation that not only had he missed his chance to attack Eadam and the others, but he could have escaped several times. Nobody likes to see a weepy turnip, so that shall not be described here.

While this was going on, Gordon was freed from his bonds, he let out a cry of triumph.

“Now we shall see!” He bravely shouted.

*Thwack*

Golbassy and Habi had crept up behind him and knocked him out cold with a two-handed swing of a mighty tome. One less player in the game.

Hammer took it upon himself to catch Ramaros. It wasn’t really that he remembered his job, it was more that he wanted to catch one of the disco orbs and train it to be a steed. He couldn’t catch the things while they were chasing after Ramaros, so after slotting in his head into his hoopstick he simply swung out and hit Ramaros in the face as he ran past. He defended Ramaros from the disco orbs, trying to subdue them carefully.

Golbassy and Habi were trying to sneak up on Hammer, they were preparing a nasty surprise for the explodahead, there was a lot of rustling going on inside Habi. They had just about managed to get behind him when they realised they had just stepped into a red bowl.

They twisted around and unleashed their surprise on Gemmask’s double golem. A torrent of pages tore free from Habi, a number of the pages spilling around the golem descending on them. Golbassy roared and the pages burst into flame and a pillar of fire blazed through the middle of the golem, leaving a molten hole.

This of course meant that Golbassy and Habi didn’t notice Madog as she rushed them with her deadly bellyslam attack. Sure Madog’s belly was soft and fluffy, but she was also coming in hard and fast. Golbassy as knocked out and Habi was thus left mostly impotent.

Hammer turned around to see Madog smothering Golbassy.

“Oh, good dudette! I think this means we won!” He said.

Then the golem fell on top of him pinning him in just the right way that an explosion would not be of much help. Gemmask Jee rolled out of the golem bowl.

“What a pity, but really there can be no other outcome in a gambling den, house always wins” He said.

“Now, what to do about al…”

*Thwack*

Gemmask Jee was thwacked over the top of the head with a weepy turnip, in his pondering, he hadn’t detected Monochrome creeping up on him.