Wolf, Wizard, Fire, Golem released!

Chapter 27: Due to Bread, the Plot Reared its Head

Anyone who had passed through the Great Snowy Forest at least once would know of Bread. The forest has many beings who are bound to protect it. Unfortunately, needing to protect the forest doesn’t stop Bread from tormenting its inhabitants.

Bread was by no means an evil creature, but doing things like replacing someone’s pants with beetles or replacing a village’s homes with a highly elaborate maze could hardly be said to be acts of good. Though, in the maze’s case, it was a lot safer than their village had been previously.

From the crowd of goadskulls, one aged elder came forth. This goadskull was bundled in furs, and his back was quite crooked. His head was a mess of scars and he had only one eye remaining to him. This eye was violet and black, as were his furs.

While not the most flashy or strongest looking of goadskulls, this was the not only the chief of the Mossmallow Henge Clan, but the founder of it!

He bowed low before Bread.

O merciful and kind forest guardian, what do you want with our small and worthless clan?” He grovelled.

For a moment, Bread’s wooden mask looked displeased, but that expression was replaced by a mocking one before anyone saw it. He began to laugh!

Zuild, Can I not enjoy a good feast?! Just continue as you were, think of me as just one more guest!” he said.

Bread unceremoniously dropped Eadam onto the remains of the pudding he had devoured, then he tossed some poor goadskull out of his seat. As the goadskull sailed through the air, a plant burst from the ground, catching the goadskull, the plant had grown into the form of some kind of high chair.

Zuild, the clan chief would have loved it if he had been able to treat Bread like another guest. If Bread was treated like another guest, then for the actions he was taking, he would be thrown out! Zuild and his clan were not powerful enough to do such a thing, so instead he let out a heavy sigh.

Continue with the feast!” He shouted.

The feast continued, though strained. Eadam recovered somewhat, but his companions were still stuck doing circus acts. Bread watched this with no small amount of amusement, but for some reason, he focused on Gheel the most.

The cannon is being prepared for another go” A goadskull told Eadam.

Eadam wept.

Several goadskulls turned back to their food, but just as they went to put some food in their mouths…


The food had been replaced with bark. Apart from one Goadskull who happily continued to chew the bark, the rest looked at their food sadly. After that happened, no other goadskull took the chance to eat.

Bread was quite upset. It turned out that this clan had a low tolerance for his tricks. It was clear that he wouldn’t get the kind of reactions he wanted. He regretted not secretly joining the feast. His eyes moved over to Gheel again.

Well, I can tell when my noble self isn’t wanted! Rejoice you joykills! If you capture that… uh whatever that thing is for me, then I’ll leave you and your feast alone”

He was pointing straight at Gheel. The feast froze yet again. The goadskulls were reluctant to move, but those that were not of the Company of the Six began to move.

At this point, Ulex was quite fed up. He had been playing clown for quite a while. So, as soon as he heard that Bread wanted one of his companions captured, he acted decisively.

Everyone! We’re leaving now!”

After shouting that he grabbed a fork and flung it at the stuffed stuffing stuffed, which was hovering above the table uncarved, since nobody was quite sure how to carve it. The fork fell into it with a gloop noise.

Waufronk acted next, shedding the stupid little bells on his wings and taking out his fishrod he popped all the balloons with scimitars, causing a rain of blades! Gheel collected his tired chompers and a significantly large amount amount of food from the feast.

Spongy Snaps, reading the mood, tossed the beasts he had been juggling at the goadskulls that were approaching Gheel. As Eadam leapt from the table, the stuffed stuffing stuffed exploded. It was not merely an explosion. As bits of it went flying, as a shockwave was produced, sending table, feasters and food alike into flight, something formed at the origin of the explosion.

A portal, and spilling forth from this portal were what could only be described as…

Pasta soldiers. Twists of pasta, each bearing forks of bone!

The goadskulls and these pasta soldiers clashing in conflict!

The adventurers began to run, but there were still loads of goadskulls free.

Eadam hated himself for suggesting it, but it was their best option for escape!

We can escape the forest using the cannon!” he cried over the din of chaos.

Taking advantage of the chaos, the adventurers moved to where the fuse of the great cannon was, however, before that fuse, there was a goadskull barring their way.

The Mossmallow Henge Clan had three hunting groups. The Company of the Six, the Yellow Horned Company and… a lone goadskull.

This goadskull wore a red scarf of scales and a kilt of scales. In his hand was a lance of shining steel-like metal. The greater part of his eyes were of that steely hue, and his red pupils stared right at the adventurers. He was quite plain really, but his bearing gave out a sense of weight. He had the atmosphere of one who had performed many heroic deeds.

Sorry about everyone getting worked up about you being circus performers. I know you aren’t. I don’t think you are wicked people, but… Bread protects this forest. Even if he does mess with all of us. So, I’ll be stopping you here!”

The hero of the Mossmallow Henge Clan levelled his lance at the adventurers.

Unfortunately for him, before any hot-blooded battle could begin, a chahat suddenly appeared on his head, scratching his face. The hero was sent toppling over, thus displaying that teleportation is really one of the more useful powers a being can have.

Chacha came!” Spongy cried.

Well, I’m surprised, but we can’t hang around! I don’t think that Chacha will hold him off for long!” Waufronk

Sorry about this!” Ulex said, hopping over the hero who was rolling around on the ground, trying to get the chahat away from his face.

In front of the fuse, noticing the short length on it, Gheel took out a some flammable rope and extended it, then he took out chomper with curling handle-like horns, and teeth that curiously didn’t look that good for chomping. This chomper was covered with orange scales.

Holding the horns, he pulled the tail of the creature with his mouth, and a stream of fire shot out from the chomper’s mouth. Tossing the chomper back into his mouth, they ran up the stairs of the cannon and slid right inside.

Moments later, just as the hero had captured Chacha, the cannon fired, sending a bundle of screaming adventurers beyond the canopy of the Great Snowy Forest.

Bread watched silently, and shrugged. It wasn’t his problem now, that and he had a dimensional tear to deal with.

The adventurers of course, since they were flying through the sky, didn’t have time to consider why Bread had wanted to capture Gheel.

If they had, they may not have fled. Wolf, Wizard, Fire, Golem releases in 2 days

Chapter 26: Strained Faces around the Cannon Ascent

It seemed less like a cannon and more like a tower. A spiralling tower who’s outside was ringed with stairs. The whole thing didn’t quite clear the canopy but it came close. A earth-red stairway to the stars. Where had such a thing come from?

Elcon, as one of the four lands directly connected to the wasteland, and the tunnels between worlds, usually ends up with a lot of random things from random places. Of course for a time these things might hold some of the rules of the dimension they came from, but in time, they become part of Elcon.

Naturally Eadam would not be thinking about this. He wasn’t thinking about where the cannon was from. He just had one thought.

-WHY ME!?-

He desperately looked for his companions, surely they wouldn’t leave him to his projectile fate? As he scanned the lively feast, he also felt quite upset looking at all the delicious food that he had helped prepare.

Was he going to get a taste of any of it? No.

He was going to be shot out of a cannon.

There would be explosions.

Eadam had bad memories of explosions.

Amid the revelry, he managed to spot one of his boon companions.

It was Gheel.

He had a strained expression on his face. Atop his head, covering his sling-cap, was a shiny tophat. Surrounding him were rings of fire being maintained by some of the goadskull cook-shamans. Jumping through these rings was a multicoloured conga-line of chompers. The toothy critters did not look happy about having to hop through rings of fire. Eadam tried to get Gheel’s attention, waving frantically and hollering.

Sadly, this just made all the goadskulls think he was bravely waving, as a true daredevil would. Cheers arose. Gheel however, spared not one look for Eadam. He had problems enough of his own keeping his precious chompers from turning into side-dishes.

The goadskulls accompanying Eadam happily urged him onwards. Our unfortunate horse looked about for another one of his boon companions, hoping that this time would prove more fruitful. He quickly spotted one of his fellow adventurers.

It was Waufronk.

He had a strained expression on his face. Attached to the tips of his wings were bells, and all around him were balloons of cloth. Attached at the ends of these balloons were deadly looking scimitars! Waufronk was weaving through the air, diving close to the swords, prompting oohs, ahhs and more than a few screams of fright. Waufronk was exceedingly unhappy about having to perform the act. Previously he had calmed down and supposed that he could just do some aerial acrobatics, then the goadskulls had brought out balloons, and scimitars. He was not amused. He was still fairly rusty about flying, and even back in the Great Attic he had been far from the best of fliers. Diving about the deadly blades took his full concentration, and thus, he could not spare a glance for Eadam’s fate.

Hanging his head, Eadam continued to climb the stairs. The goadskulls with him however did not think that Eadam was despairing. No, they just thought he was cool and brooding, as a daredevil was likely to be. Having no desire to be a horse pancake, a daredevil one or not, Eadam once more looked about for his boon companions. He soon saw one of them.

It was Spongy Snaps.

He had a happy expression on his lumpen, misshapen face. He was juggling four fierce beasts, each more dangerous than the last! The first was a red two headed feline which at first looked like it was wearing a black cloak, but it was infact the mane of the caped douglar! One of the more dangerous kinds of doug! The Second was a furry round ball of a creature, possessing a short snout, a big mouth and only a pair of bone wheels for limbs, it was a rollargh! The third was just a particularly large and carnivorous cabbage. The final one was completely hairless, it had blue skin, a triangular torso and bulky limbs that ended in tentacles. It had a lumpy face with a single eye, and in its mouth were purple teeth, two tusks and two fangs. This then was a blogre.

Without a care in the world, Spongy Snaps was tossing the beasts about, slapping them insensate if they got a bit uppity. Eadam did not have the heart to attempt to disturb Spongy Snap’s bliss. He continued his climb to the top of the cannon, but then he paused. There was still one member that he could count on. Wasn’t there?

His bro.

It was Ulex McHeft.

He had a strained smile on his face. He was dressed in colourful rags. On his face a red nose had been tied and a chalky paste applied. Upon his head was something only worn by wizards and fools. It was a round pointy hat with no brim. Ulex was currently a clown. He didn’t quite understand how that had happened. He had just wanted to do some feats of strength, or show off his buffing skills.

Still, Ulex noticed Eadam waving from the cannon, and so clenched his muscles, sending power Eadam’s way. Eadam’s skin rippled and he felt an itchy crawling sensation under it, immediately after his skin felt tough as metal. Ulex gave Eadam a thumbs up. Tears ran down Eadam’s now even longer face.

Sure, it was nice that his body was tougher now, but didn’t that mean he was still going to be fired from a cannon? Lots of other denizens are quite comfortable with that sort of thing, but Eadam didn’t have that kind of hobby or lifestyle. It wasn’t like he was something that could just grow a new head if his current one blew up.

Sadly for Eadam, the goadskulls with him just thought he was crying for joy at the thought of being shot from a cannon. They quietly thought that there was really something weird about the heads of daredevils.

It was the top of the cannon.

He had a really strained face. Eadam did not want to be a cannonball. He looked into the murky darkness of the inside of the cannon. A roiling abyss, like the throat of some mighty wurm. Eadam gulped. It seemed that sliding down into the cannon would be dangerous enough, nevermind being fired from it. Eadam closed his eyes and summoned up what poor tattered remnants of courage he still possessed.

Just as he was about to slip down, a voice called out.

Oh my, I was just taking a walk and what do I see, but a nice fe… IS THAT A CANNON?!”

The revelry began to freeze at the sound of this voice which one too many of the forest dwellers were familiar with.

A blur leapt from the trees and brushed right past Eadam, diving into the cannon. Eadam span around and around, almost losing his balance and falling in. Standing on one hoof, he managed to regain his balance. The issue was when he put his other hoof down. He put it right on top of a mysterious fruit that had not been there before, clearly left behind by the intruder to the feast.

Eadam slipped and fell into the cannon, wailing loudly at the injustice of life in general.

Moments later the cannon fired, but what came out was a blur of leaves that zoomed about in the air, zigzagging before the shocked feasters. The torrent of leaves covered over a particularly wobbly and tasty looking dark translucent pudding. There was gulping and smacking sounds and soon the pudding was devoured from the inside out!

There, in its place, was a figure wearing a hooded cloak of leaves and many different flowers. Poking out from the sides of the hood were two branches with leaves still on them. Each branch had fruit on them that slowly cycled through a variety of different colours. It wore a mask that was vaguely loaf like. The face of the mask was chewing with no small amount of pleasure. Held in earth caked claws, one under the crook of the legs and the other the armpit, as one might a bride, princess or beloved invalid, was Eadam. He was completely scared out of his wits of course.

The figure spoke.

Surely you’d leave a place for ol’ Bread here!” it cried.

Silence reigned, and then was broken by a child crying, not in terror, nor in anguish.

It was the crying of frustration one might create after being tormented by countless pranks. Wolf, Wizard, Fire, Golem releases in six days.

Chapter 25: Stuff Happens, Eadam is Stuffed and then Stuffs

Within the cook-pits, there were dangerous and deadly beasts. They were of course all head and currently being cooked. He was surprised at first, as the beasts were not upon spits, instead they hovered in smoke and fire, around which the cook-shamans were dancing. The flames and food bobbed in time with their dances.

Hmm, the stock of your spirit is a bit thin, but you’ll fill out well enough”

The speaker wore strips of lime green scaly leather, from which dangling hollow tubes of puce metal. Those purple-brown tubes produced a musical sound with each movement. This cook-shaman also wore on his head what looked like a bag of the same leather as the strips.

It is worth pointing out that this was one of the more subdued attires among the shaman-cooks.

Pushed and prodded, Eadam was forced to dance with the shamans, unfortunately, due to being a horse, one which walked upon no more than two hooves, there wasn’t much of a difference between his left and right hooves.

Rather than two left feet, you could say it was like having two right and left feet combined into a single pair. Really though, it couldn’t all just be blamed on his hooves. Eadam just generally had poor rhythm, it was part of why he could never get that far as a warrior.

Determining that Eadam was fairly useless as a dancer, and keeping him as such would likely lead to burnt meat, he had a bucket pushed to him. A bucket with a massive brush!

Baste the meat!” One shamaness cried.

Baste it!” A shaman cried.

Baste! Baste! Baste! Baste!” the cry went on and on.

Eadam understood well what he needed to do. Taking the brush in his hands, he struck the meat, basting it! In a moment, the meat changed, glittering shining, and wafting out a wondrous mouth watering smell which had not been there before. He continued until the meat was fully covered, and then he moved onwards.

Yet, he did not baste all the meats with the bucket he had been given. Nor did he baste them all with the same amount! Soon, his bucket was empty and it was switched out for another bucket.

It was not a dance he did, there was no rhythm, but there was that which is relatively rare in Elcon.


His movements were ordered!

After the basting he joined in on shamans that were chopping vegetables and other things.

The main kind of dish being made was one of the most common of elconic dishes. Stuffed food.

Stuffing meat with vegetables, vegetables with meat, meat with meat, vegetables with vegetables, and even creating recursions and of course using more than just mere meat and vegetable. There are of course many more things that can be devoured, and in a world such as Elcon, not only are there metals suitable for general consumption, there are even odder things.

Amid countless stuffed foods, and dancing shamans, amid fire and oils, and smokes and sauces…

Eadam saw something.

He saw a whole dimension of food. No… more than that.

It was a dimension filled with the concept of food. It was as if every dish, every recipe had its root in this world. No.

Not simply that.

It was constantly growing. Throughout many dimensions, people were constantly creating food, and each time they did, the dimension grew.

Did the inspiration come from this place, or was it born from people and flew off to this dimension?

A mere horse, even one from such a lunatic place as Elcon could scarcely hold the wholeness of a dimension in his head. Yet, it was a moment.

As that moment passed, that vision of the wealth of cooking of many dimensions faded away, Eadam began wildly grabbing food.

He stuffed.

First it was just putting one thing inside another thing…

But still he stuffed.

The food he was creating swelled.

He stuffed.

It began to rise of its own accord, as everyone knows, power tends to float.

He was creating a royal dish.

He did not cease to stuff.

In the end, the stuffed stuffing stuffed turned in on itself.

He stuffed it with itself.

He stuffed it so hard that it began to pulsate, as if the stuff it was made of was alive once more.

Such a thing would be very hard to serve up.

Indeed, if you didn’t carve it right, it would explode in a deadly mess of stuffed food!

As Eadam stood back in dazed admiration of his handiwork, a voice reached him.

Ohhh, not only a circus performer, but an amazing chef! Well, We can handle the rest. The cannon is ready for you.”

What?” Eadam questioned.

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