Chapter 9: “SUPREME BODY SYNCHRONIZATION! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

The gnargs ran this way and that around Calleydron in their panic, naturally they occasionally bumped into each other. In the distance, the rhagulars howled and growled as they slowly encircled the Cinders and the adventurers, behind them, the snow was kicked up such that it looked like there was a blizzard at their back.

“FORM UP YOU SORRY LOT!” Duppy cried.

It was however to no avail. There were too many rhagulars, thus the morale of the gnargs was utterly broken. A bit of shouting wasn’t ‘bad’ enough to whip them into shape.

“We should slip away in the chaos, I’ll get the drilltooth chompers to make us a tunnel, we can escape that way!” Gheel said.

“But stew” Spongy Snaps complained.

“can’t eat stew if you are eaten yourself!” Kepo warned from atop Ulex, it was unlikely anyone heard her.

“There’ll be stew in the future Mr. Snaps, live for the stew of the future, not the stew of today” Gheel said, before coughing up his chompers.

As stealthily as a being that looked like him could, retreated into the crevice to direct the digging of the drilltooth chompers. In the chaos of the panicking gnargs, he was not noticed, nor was the sound of the digging heard.

While Gheel did that, Waufronk left Spongy Snaps, who was confused as to what to do, and moved to shake Ulex out of his stirring induced daze. He flapped up off the ground and soared over the mess of gnargs and their beleaguered captain. Being out of practice, he also nearly bumped Ulex into the stew. He gripped Ulex in his wings and shook him. Ulex’s eyes however remained dull and even though he was not stirring the stew, his arms were still making the motions.

“McHeft, snap out of it McHeft, we need to get out of here”

“it’s no good i’ve been pounding on his head with my mind, i’ve even tap-danced, but nothing doing” kepo explained

“Well tap-dance some more girl, I’ll try Eadam” Waufronk said.

The ex-duke turned his gaze to Eadam, who was still staring into the stew.

“Eadam, are you in there? Hello? Is this duke going to have to dirty his hands and slap the sense back into you both?” Waufronk snarled.

“The stew?” Eadam murmured.

A shudder came from Ulex’s body and Waufronk felt the vegetably muscles move in an alarming manner.

“The rhagulars will eat us all and then the stew too!” One gnarg cried.

“Ashes! If I’m going to die, I want to eat some of this stew first!”

A gnarg rushed up, Waufronk ignored him, as he was just concerned with escaping with Eadam and Ulex. While he was content to let a gnarg dive into stew to die, Ulex moved, shrugging off Waufronk’s wings!

“Hey!” Waufronk cried.

“Aggggghhhh!!!” Waufronk then quickly cried.

“fly you stupid bat, you have wings, use them!” Kepo yelled.

The shove from Ulex had robbed him of his balance and sent him into the stew, he only just managed to flap his way out of adding noble bat to the stew ingredients.

“That was far too close, I really don’t want to die like that. I can fly just fine. I mean I didn’t forget I could fly. No once. You hear me Kepo, not once.”

A gnarg who did want to die like that, reached the lip of Calleydron, yet, it found before it Ulex. One steady punt and Ulex had kicked the gnarg away.

“Protect” he said.

“what was that? he spoke hey evil bat, he spoke!”

“I’m not an evil bat! What’d he say?”

Light returned to Ulex’s eyes as he awakened from his stirring-funk.

“PROTECT THE STEW!” he shouted.

“ow that was loud” Kepo complained.

Then, his his body flexed, the flexing seemed without end, he flexed such that it seemed his face would burst off from his muscled carrot body! His efforts paid off and with a series of twinkles, the gnargs, Duppy, Eadam, Waufronk, Spongy and even Kepo felt strength enter their bodies!

Letting out a breath of air that was like a carrot beaked hawk, Ulex stood proud on Calleydron.

“FRIENDS, DID YOU NOT BLEED, SWEAT AND CLAW FOR THIS STEW? IS THIS STEW NOT THE BEST STEW YOU’VE SMELT IN YOUR LIVES? SOME WOULD CALL IT STEW WORTH DYING FOR, BUT I CALL IT STEW WORTH LIVING FOR, WORTH FIGHTING, SO ARE YOU WITH ME, WILL YOU FIGHT WITH ME, AGAINST THESE BEASTS WHO WOULD EAT OUR STEW? WHAT WILL IT BE MATES, DEATH OR STEW?”

There could only be one answer and the gnargs gave it as one.

“DEATH TO OUR ENEMIES, STEW TO US!” They roared.

“FIGHT!” Ulex cried!

“wooooo!!!!!”

“FIGHT!” cried the gnargs.

Duppy did not even have the presence of mind to be shocked, for he too was screaming ‘fight!’ he too was taking up his weapon to face the rhagulars. The gnargs formed a circle around Calleydron and began to beat their weapons against their own bodies. The song of what was mostly hammers and maces rang out, confusing the rhagulars, disturbing them.

Like the snow behind them, they swirled back and forth. They were waiting. Waiting for an order to attack. Once they got that order, they would attack even if they were afraid. They would attack or retreat only at the call of the ghinharhal.

As for the Gnargs, they would attack for stew. There would be no retreat!

“Spongy! It’s time!” Ulex called.

“oh no…”

His muscles were quivering after giving everyone a little burst of strength, but what he did for Spongy Snaps, well he was fairly used to that. He struck a stongman’s pose, his arms out at his sides clenched above the gnargs, above the rhagulars.

“SUPREME BODY SYNCHRONIZATION! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

His body bulged, shone and his carrot top burst into growth.

“ahhhh not again!” cried Kepo who was amid the rapidly growing carrot leaves.

Spongy Snaps smiled joyfully and crouched over as his body emitted cracking noises, then he swelled. As gingerbread people go, he was already a big one. Now? His head reached to the top of Calleydron.

“Ho ho ho!” Spongy Snaps laughed.

“Charge!” Ulex commanded, then he lost all strength in his body and fell from the edge of Calleydron, towards the stew. He did not regret anything, no perhaps he regretted that he didn’t have a taste of the stew. Kepo on the other hand, was full of regrets

“noooooooo! i don’t have wings, i can’t fly i don’t want to become part of a stew, i have so much left to pilfer!” she wailed

Such an ending that wasn’t even particularly noble was not to be, indeed it was prevented by a different kind of noble, an ignoble noble even. Ulex felt claws grasp his arms.

“MY LEGS ARE GOING TO FALL OFF CURSE THE LOCK YOU’RE HEAVY!”

“you weren’t an evil bat, you are a good bat, the best bat”

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT RIGHT NOW”

Both carrot and bat fell from the sky into the snows, even as gingerbreadman charged into the rhagulars. Tumbling, Waufronk ended up trapped under Ulex, the ex-duke swore so loudly and filthily that wicked little black imps escaped from his mouth.

Eadam remained staring into the stew as the gnargs and the rhagulars clashed. Spongy Snaps did not wade through his foes. He swam, hound and feline gauntlets churning through rhagulars, tossing up five of the beasts at a time. Duppy wisely followed behind, sweeping away the remains with his mace.

“Would you get off of me already!” Waufronk complained.

“he can’t, he’s overdrawn his muscles by buffing everyone and making spongy huge he can’t even talk right now, blink twice to show him i’m right” Kepo said.

Ulex’s face was right up in Waufronk’s when he blinked twice, Waufronk quite clearly saw it.

“I should have let you fall into the stew” Waufronk grumbled.

“evil bat”

Spongy and Duppy went in a circle around Calleydron, but no matter how many they broke before them, there seemed to be no end to them.

The stew was not finished, Eadam yet watched it, and Calleydron’s eye was closed to the battle before it.