Chapter 11: A Robe and her Girl walk into a bar

The underground town of Cozzlanga is but one of many that lie beneath the Giant Snowman. People are constantly complaining about the fact that he is far larger than giant.

Cozzlanga however was originally a settlement of a tribe of blokkits, a race of extremely blocky rabbit-like people. They had been nomads but decided after a particularly bad set of years to settle down at what they thought was a very nice resting point. It wasn’t long before the glorified resting point became a town.

Among the curious quirks that Blokkits have is the fact that anything they make will turn out square or cubic. Thus the majority of the buildings in the town are big boxes of surprisingly clean whiterock, these were huddled up like a little sibling behind an elder sibling to a collection of natural pillars in the cavern where Cozzlanga was located. These pillars had, in turn stairs and dwellings carved into them. Mostly cubic dwellings of course. Scattered at the feet of the whiterock buildings like a crawling baby or more accurately a fungal infection were a colourful assortment of tents, hammocks, yurts and other transient dwellings belonging to the merchants and other travellers that passed through Cozzlanga.

Now you might think that the layout was fairly sane what with all the buildings being so uniform. Sadly dear reader, that would mean you have forgotten that this is Elcon were are discussing here. For those that made no such assumption, they would not be terribly surprised to discover that while the main street of Cozzlanga cuts through the town straight, the alleys are a trap of mazes.

The average people of Cozzlanga even sometimes got lost in the alleys, nevermind pampered shewpog children of a rich merchant. Golbassy was significantly less pampered than most of her siblings, and even frequently went out hunting for new books. Though the real test of her navigational skills was finding her favourite bookshop that seemed to never be content to stay in one place.

Now, though Golbassy could find her way around Cozzlanga, she had in her flight from home gotten quite lost, as her robe, Habi observed. Habi may have been a quite fancy looking robe, of fine golden silk and black frills and lacing, but she was really quite a plain hearted person, not at all one to split hairs. Speaking of hairs, about all that could be seen of Golbassy under the obscuring Habi was a few swirling tufts of blue hair and her golden eyes.

“We’re lost Golba, this is your fault, you needed to stay calm” Habi whispered.

Golbassy tried to get her bearings but really one dank alley way was much like another in Cozzlanga, sure you might find a barrel in one alleyway and a clothes line in another, but those kind of things would repeat. It was more likely you’d end up in a loop than get anywhere if you went by features. No, you needed to make a map in your mind or on paper. For most denizens, paper wasn’t an option. What didn’t help matters was that the alleyways were stuffed with malignant thugs and other unsavoury types.

The true nature of Cozzlanga was a nexus for trading stolen goods. People tended not to ask questions in Cozzlanga, and those that did often found rather fatal answers.

Golbassy knew it was important to stay calm, she was likely attracting the attention of too many goons as it was with her rich appearance. Then there was the fact that shewpogs are one of the smaller elconic denizens. Her only hope to not be pounced on was to seem confident. This knowledge did not help her feel confident

“We need to get into a building, shake off a bit of attention” she said to Habi.

“Needs to be the right building, we’d get in a right fix if you stumble into a gang house”

“I’m sure I’d be able to win whatever gambling game they’d press me into with my life at stake, then I’d become their leader and somehow get driven out of town by father as he fails to accept the wild man I find in the gang” Golbassy chattered.

“I think that wouldn’t happen Golba” Habi rejected Golbassy’s Fantasy.

“But I’d be able to deal with it if it did, I’ve mastered all the cheating skills I’ve read about you know!” Golbassy insisted.

“I do know, but look, that looks like a tavern… the sign is a bit ominious”

The sign Habi spoke of was a rotten wooden one, it hadn’t been put up right when it was made but time had made it even more lopsided. On the sign was a crude painting of a blokkit, though someone had tried to cover it with some manner of bluish liquid. The blokkit had a grin that might have been nice had the eyes not been worn off.

“How did the eyes wear off, but not the rest of the picture and what is the blue liquid?” Golbassy questioned.

“I don’t know, but I don’t like the look of it, we probably shouldn’t go in, could be haunted by something” Habi worried.

“Oooooo I’ve a method for binding ghosties that I read about that I’m dying to try out! A ghostie would be brilliant for finding the Niard” Golbassy enthused.

Before Habi could voice an objection Golbassy had scuttled through the doors of the tavern.

The tavern was indeed haunted. Haunted not by ghosties or any other kind of undead but rather a kind of living dead. The patrons of the tavern were some of the most dissolute people Golbassy and Habi had ever seen.

A motley collection of vegtablefolk, shewpogs, blokkits, animalfolk, a few landfish and some of elcon’s more exotic races too. Dominating one corner was what looked like a suit of headless armour tossing back drinks into its torso.

All the patrons had a bit of a bluish glint to their eyes, well, those that had eyes did. Most of them happened to be nursing dubious blue drinks.

The furnishings were quite curious, being cobbled together from charred plant growth, though a few showed signs of charred pieces of furniture in their making. Perhaps most curious was the bar tender, a blob which seemed to be composed worryingly of something that looked like the drinks the patrons were drinking at a snail’s pace.

A more blatant worry was the fact that the blob was using its own body to ‘wash’ out the glass it had between two tendrils it had extending from its body.

Golbassy got a few stares, but mostly everyone quickly lost interest.

She summoned her courage and stepped up to the bar. Then she spent a moment climbing up onto one of the stools that was clearly for smaller folk.

She was about to ask about the Niard when she remembered that in her books it was usually best to buy a drink first, barkeeps would be looser with their voices then.

She murmured into Habi.

“A glass of your cheapest Barkeep!” Habi said.

The blob shuddered, and Golbassy got the impression it was staring at her.

“Look, something about you seems like trouble to me, what is it you really want? I don’t want my tavern to get blown up or something”

Golbassy gasped at being found out, still she murmured into Habi.

“I’m searching for the Niard, heard anything?” Habi asked.

The blob wobbled nervously.

“I knew you were trouble, look try the gambling dens, I’ve heard they’ve been having trouble with a cloaked stranger, now git!”

Golbassy thanked the blob and beat a hasty retreat. A mean looking turnip got off his seat and followed after them moments later.

It wasn’t long before they were so far away that they barely heard the tavern exploding, and they certainly hadn’t a hope of hearing the blob wail piteously at someone.

“She already left! SHE ALREADY LEFT!”

“She did? Sorry Dude, I’ll pay you back after I finish this job”