August 2017

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This is a serial, first part HERE

Chapter 41: Elconic Regular Parade

The rock eating beast in question was none other than the deadly ender mole! While not actually a mole, the creature has a massive green drill for a nose and secondary drills for tusks. The body of the creature is covered in dense black fur, and it possesses no eyes at all. Instead the top of its torpedo head is covered in tentacle-like whiskers that move this way and that.

The limbs of the beast are thus, two mighty scaly teal rear legs with trowel like claws(it can never get the dirt out). Its forlimbs are a pair of quite vestigial wings with glossy black feathers. Now, apart from the drilltusks, ender moles have quite a number of… well normally a rat might only have two pairs of big incisors. All of an ender moles’ teeth are like that. Bear in mind that these teeth are used on all kinds of rock.

You may have noticed that this being doesn’t seem much like a mole, but that’d only be when you take into account the legs, wings and teeth, and most elconic beings if they are that close, are close enough to get eaten.

A general rule among Elconic denizens is that avoiding things with drills is a good idea (avoiding most things is a good idea).

The ender mole let forth a frankly pathetic cry. It was just a slightly louder mouse squeak.

“Ah! that thing is eating our victim guide!”

Doctor Bones grabbed a few of the rocks.

-We’re going back to the coffin, it’ll be saf… easier to take the beast out from there!-

-AHHHHHHH-

The ender mole continued its assault, but the rocks were fighting back, flinging themselves at the rock eater. It really wasn’t the best tactic, as many of the rocks just got ground away by the drills or just flew into the maw of the mole.

Stumbling over the shattering talking rock (screaming rock at this stage) Doctor Bones and Miss Fern reached the coffin.

“The door’s stuck Doctor! It must be the allment!”

-Then I’ll have to give direct treatment to the…-

However, before Doctor Bones could do anything to the ender mole, there was a series of cries from the sky along with a terrible stench! It was a pack of Divoggles!

Long grey fuzzy heads with sharp canines and eyes that had several layers of transparent eyelids. A long fuzzy tail like a streaming banner. A body like a big vase. Divoggles only have two limbs, but it is these limbs that allow them to have flight!

Covered in a steel like carapace, two barrel-like things with claws on one end jut out from their bodies! On the other ends, facing away from their heads, the barrel-limbs have beaks that open to belch out stinky green flames!

Divoggles are canny scavenger-hunters that’ll attack just about anything they see, they’re highly aggressive and stink really bad!

The battle between the rocks and the ender mole became more chaotic, after all, divoggles can eat both rocks, flesh and most beings that exist.

-This is fine, I can still…-

There was a massive rumbling as a ludicrously huge form came out of nowhere from the snows! A snow behemoth! This lumpy white skinned being with huge trailing limbs and mighty claws and a vaguely boxy face with eyes that were far too small brought with it a whole ecosystem that lived on and around the behemoth. It was that big! In spite of being so huge, they can suddenly appear from the snow without warning, nobody has a clue how that happens!

Before anyone could react to this there was the long call of a hunting horn along with woops, laughs and the sound of engines, why it was…

“Doctor! I think we could get inside the coffin now!”

-Right, quick, let’s get in, we can’t cross dimensions safely but we should be able to fly for a bit. Come before anything else shows up, like a Bidden!-

As soon as they opened the door they were shoved inwards by an avalanche of purple rocks wanting to escape both the chaos and getting eaten.

This is a serial, first part HERE

Chapter 40: Rock Eaters, no. Rock Eater

-Hold on! Hold on! WE AREN’T HERE TO EAT YOU!- Doctor Bones screamed in fear of the coffin becoming difficult to access.

-EH?- The rumbling stopped.

“We don’t eat rocks, or at least you aren’t the kind of rocks I’d eat” Miss Fern said, thinking of rock candy.

-So you do eat rocks!-

-She wants to branch out!-

-She’s a plant after all-

-Just wants us to let down our guard-

The rumbling started again.

-Thanks a lot Miss Fern-

“Sorry”

-Well, this calls for more drastic measures!-

Putting a hand into his spacial darkness, Doctor Bones pulled out a brickwork jug that couldn’t decide if it really wanted to be a pot. Within the pot was a bubbling grey liquid that made obscene noises! Wasting no time, he poured it directly into the cracks on the massive ‘Papa’ rock.

-OOOHHHH OOOOOHHHHHH THAT FEELS WONDERFUL-

The rock went still.

-Look, Papa’s cracks are closing!-

-Could this be some wicked plot?-

-Maybe they’re alright-

-What if its like mayonnaise, sauce before they eat Papa!-

The jug-pot almost dropped from Doctor Bones’ hands.

-It isn’t mayonnaise! Its Allment! It heals rocky creatures! Its like cement more than anything else! We aren’t here to eat you!- he protested

Allment! Known to be up there with a certain kind of tape and lubricant in sheer usefulness! Allment may not the be strongest of cements, but it does happen to be unchallenged in terms of promoting regeneration in rocky lifeforms. The issue with Allment is that it really is just a mix of bone dust from regenerative creatures, rock dust from rock beings and of course water.

Naturally if the quality of these ingredients is lacking, the allment will be lacking. When it was first introduced to dimensional doctors there were quite a lot of complaints such as ‘this is really stupid’ or ‘Come on, you’re just pouring cement into the wounds!’. However the results over time laid to rest the objections. What helped it become widely used was the fact that the ingredients could be found in many dimensions and for most dimensional professions, being able to secure one’s materials ‘on site’ is usually a big plus.

“Uh, Doctor, if that’s allment, what’ll happen to the coffin?”

Doctor Bones twitched slightly in a distressed manner. Had he not been a skeleton, he might have cried a little bit.

-IF YOU AREN’T HERE TO EAT ME, THEN WHY DID YOU ATTACK ME WITH A COFFIN? HUH, OH KEEP POURING THAT STUFF IN PLEASE-

-We didn’t attack you, we uh, crash landed- Doctor Bones explained.

-A likely story-

-Who ever heard of a flying coffin?-

-Well, this is Elcon-

-Wait, coffin, bones, ARE THEY RISEN?-

-They’re going to make us into ghost rocks!-

“I’m not undead though.” Miss Fern pointed out.

-Looking closer, I guess she isn’t-

-What a relief-

-I’m too young to undie-

-OK, SO YOU AREN’T UNDEAD, YOU DIDN’T ATTACK ME AND YOU AREN’T HERE TO EAT US. I’LL ACCEPT ALL THAT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU KEEP POURING THAT STUFF IN-

The flow of allment didn’t stop coming from the pot-jug, in spite of the fact that it probably shouldn’t have held that much in it.

-Well, our coffin broke down, and we need to fix it up a bit, so is there any dodgy ruins or something out of place near here?-

-OH THAT? WELL…-

Before the rock could say anything a scream of terror came from him and along with a drilling sound, the rock itself exploded! And from the shattered rock a beast with spinning horn arose, munching on the poor unfortunate rock!

-Its a rock eating beast!- One rock screamed out.

This is a serial first part HERE

Chapter 39: The Scenery of the Crime, Spooky Suspects

Doctor Bones stared in dismay at the vaguely cartoony map on the mirror. A blinking smoking coffin was their position, a section around the coffin was coloured in blue, and marked as ‘possible area of lab’. There were a few other large icons on the map, such as a giant snowman, a pale pumpkin and what looked like a glowing ball with little paws and big eyes.

The four lands of Miracle. So called because many did not believe they existed, and those that had been there didn’t really believe either.

They were too absurd. They were supposedly carved out from the wastelands!

In the first place, if the voidspace between dimensions is like the void between worlds in some dimensions, then the wasteland is like the land of a world. In theory one can just walk to different dimensions by going through the wasteland, but the wasteland is where things are forgotten, where things get lost. Nobody understands how the four lands were carved from the wastelands, connected yet different.

Others have tried to reproduce results that the mythical four travellers had created. All failed, and so they named the lands the products of Miracle, the Third Magic. But there is more to the name. Magic in the four lands just works. Any magic can work. When Law functions has little reason or rhyme. The magic of the four lands defy explanation. The magic of the four lands is alive.

The magic is truly wild.

The four lands can be quite hard to leave, and when one leaves… well some say you become a little bit less real. Others argue that you become more real, and thus the less real dimensions don’t cope as well with your presence.

Of course, the main issue for a lot of beings is that like the food dimension, it is a very very silly place.

“The water is chocolate here. The snow is sugary here. It isn’t like the food dimension though.” Miss Fern said, getting excited.

-Hold on now, we need to prepare for…-

Miss Fern was already gone, moments later an image of her waving came up on the mirror.

-Guess I better get out too-

When he got outside, Miss Fern was still dashing about. She seemed quite energized by the elconic air. While she was bouncing about and trying to see “If she could see the chocolate river”, Doctor Bones was taking a closer look at the impact site of where the coffin had landed. A massive purple rock. They had shattered a massive purple rock and the coffin was lodged deep within it. Broken bits of the rock were scattered everywhere.

A ghastly moan came up from the air.

Our two dimensional interlopers froze.

-THAT HURT. OW. OW OW. I FEEL LIKE I’VE BEEN MINED-

The voice continued to complain.

Then Doctor Bones was alarmed as the fragments of rock that had broken off the larger rock began to roll around and cry out in pain.

“Talking rocks!” Miss Fern exclaimed

-Talking rocks!- Doctor Bones confirmed.

-Owowowowow- Went the talking rocks.

-HEY LITTLE GUYS THAT JUST CAME FROM ME, CAN YOU SEE WHAT STRUCK ME? IT HIT MY BACK SO I CAN’T SEE-

“Rocks have a front and back?” Miss Fern questioned.

-I guess, might just be this one though- Doctor Bones shrugged.

The smaller rock fragments stopped rolling and then turned this way and that, they spotted Miss Fern and Doctor Bones.

-There’s a pair of dodgy creepy types on top of you Papa-

-Hey, look here, the weapon of the crime! there’s a creepy coffin stuck in Papa’s back!-

-Think they’re related?-

-Well they are both creepy-

-I think they’re more spooky than creepy-

-Totally spooky-

-Hey Papa, there’s a pair of spooky things on your back, I think they hit you with a spooky coffin!-

-They must have some evil spooky plan!-

-Maybe you guys should stop saying spooky-

-Spooky spooks! We should avalanche them!-

-Hey maybe they’re completely innocent unrelated spooky people-

-Doesn’t seem likely does it?-

-Nah, look at the guilty grin on that one, and that other one’s face looks like she’d sell her papa for food-

-Evil food eaters!-

-Maybe they eat rocks?!-

-Was that the spooky plan, to eat rocks?-

-NOBODY IS EATING ANY ROCKS TODAY-

The whole purple rock shuddered and shook and the smaller rocks having no feet, lost their footing and rolled off. Doctor Bones and Miss Fern weren’t doing much better though.

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