Chapter 36: Yerdl displays his expertise

Yerdl warily peeked out from his pot.

Item number one; Depressed Son

Item number two; Baffled Wife

Item number three; Caravamel beast spitting earth from its mouth

Item number four; Laughing person who is not dead.

Loro was laughing quite loudly indeed, her neck wildly whipping about and the massive mouth on her body issuing unlady-like guffaws from deep within her.

“That was so bad? How did you learn to tell jokes that bad?” Loro shivered with suppressed laughter.

-Well, that explains it- Turmeric, Yerdl and Ismi all roughly thought.

Loro was, while probably not evil, one of the most vile kinds of people. She was somebody that enjoyed bad jokes.

“My granddad tried to tell me jokes. I’m told it was very traumatic.” Kejo muttered sadly.

Loro hooted as much as an owl being tickled.

Ismi, Turmeric and Yerdl just sort of huddled together in barely contained disgust.

“Oh, hey, tell me another one!” Loro commanded.

“NO!” three sets of voices cried out.

Loro glared at Kejo’s parents and Turmeric. She gave a huff of displeasure and waddled over to her favourite foolbear and swallowed half of its leaves off. A wailing bear, even if it is just a mock bear, is an unfortunate sight and sound.

Her mouth stuffed with leaves Loro spoke rudely.

“Well, since things are like this, go ahead and leave my river! Gwan, Git!”

Ismi was about to snap back and Turmeric looked like he had swallowed something unpleasant… he had actually, all kinds of things were under the ground. He spat out a dazed clod beetle, so named for their similarity to clods of earth and their slowness of mind, that and polluting the honey jar even though the lid was left on, just how? How?

Kejo, adding to the gallery was about to innocently ask how it was her river.

Yerdl held out a finger to silence them! This was his time to shine! He may have seemed a bumbling ineffectual incompetent before! But in reality Yerdl was the one who did the buying and selling! Yerdl among his pitifully small skillset, had a smattering of ability in the art of haggling, of dealmaking, of conning, of thieving from people in broad daylight/underground non-specific light!

“I am sorry that we disturbed your lovely jade river Mistress Loro, we were not aware that an individual as august as yourself possessed it. We are but simple caravamelliers, passing through on our way home after some unfortunate events, I believe we reach a mutually beneficial arrangement that would get us away from your river sooner, rather than if we continued as we are…”

Loro flopped about, feeling quite flattered and tried to carry herself a bit more nobly. While nobility can be considered an inner attribute… there is only so much can do when you are a furry lump with a serpentine neck.

To begin with, Loro was a bumpkin anyway.

Turmeric and Ismi tried very, very hard not to laugh.

“Ah, well, yes I… I mean, We are not uh… whats the word? Tyrannical! I can be convinced, maybe”

Loro quite liked the idea of the caravamel being gone sooner rather than later.

Yerdl gave a pleasant smile, but to an experienced merchant, they would know this as a smile of a predator! The grin of the cat about to play with the mouse! He held out two of his long fingers.

“There is two ways you can help us to help you!”

Loro listened intently, her single eye focused on Yerdl.

“The first is to take us up the river and out of this inner valley forest!”

“Its a dual Forest!” Loro said proudly.

Yerdl’s smile didn’t slip, though, perhaps he showed a bit more tooth than he should have.

“The second is if you know of a tunnel to the surface nearby!”

Loro nodded her head and put a claw into her mouth.

“Hmm…”

They remained in silence as Loro hmmed for a few minutes.

“Ah, yes, I know of a guy that built his home near a tunnel to the surface, he seemed alright, bit of an odd hobby, but you’ll just be passing by. Ok, I’ll take you up the river towards him… on one condition”

Yerdl had a terrible feeling.

“What condition is that?”

Loro pointed at Kejo.

“The boy has to tell me jokes all the way”

Yerdl went, for a being with a black face, impressively pale. His whiskers drooped.

“Oh, I’ve completely forgot myself” Loro said. “I’m Loro Jaderiver, a qurtille”

This condition. IT HAD TO BE HAGGLED DOWN AT ALL COSTS!