Chapter 19: Guilty of Interruption of Trial

“Eating us would be pretty barbaric” Yerdl slyly suggested.

It was quite impressive that he was keeping his cool even under the threat of being eaten for lunch, but had anyone looked closely they would have seen that Yerdl’s head was retracted quite deep into his pot as he made his insinuation.

<Would it be?> One slug worriedly questioned, he didn’t want to seem uncouth.

<I don’t think so, I mean lunch is the noblest of meals>

<Illogical, dinner is superior, though I agree that it wouldn’t be barbaric>

<Preposterous! Breakfast is the true patrician slug’s meal!>

<Now, now, arguing like this isn’t very calm, when did we ever say anything about eating anyone?> One slug smugly said, having found a way to sound superior to all previous speakers.

Or at least in the slug’s own head that was the thought, as it was even Turmeric the twipstrider rolled his eyes.

<We would never suggest such a thing>

<No calm and logical person would>

<No of course not, we are quite civilized!>

Accuserseer coughed.

<Yes, well though these denizens are tasty yet not for eating, they are unquestionably guilty>

“Of what?” Kejo asked

There was a silence as the tailless slugs were shocked that someone would actually question their guilt.

There was murmurs and a shuffling of logs, the clattering of bark slates and a number of other sounds, such as someone’s pet yowling as its tail was trod on.

<Ah found it!>

<Logseer if you would be so good as to list the charges against these interlopers> Chairseer commanded.

<Yes, well, *ahem*, Guilty of trespass, both in the mines and in the forgehome…>

“Didn’t you bring us here?” Kejo accused

<Objection overruled, only I am allowed to do accusations here>

<Continue on Logseer>

<…Interruption of trial, tastiness, illogical thoughts, envy of fruit veins, getting lost, opposing the True Slug’s Forgehome of Released Opal and waking overseers up>

The Accuserseer spoke up again.

<I believe these are all quite heavy crimes, I say they are Guilty!>

A chorus of guiltys followed.

<So It is decided> the Chairseer said.

There was a loud bang.

<The three tasty pot things are sentenced to work in the mines until such a time as they have paid for their transgressions with labour!>

“Wait, don’t we get to say anything in our defence?” Yerdl objected.

There was gasps of shock.

<Do you take us for barbarians?>

<Logseer! Add barbarism and libel to the list!>

<Yes, this insult cannot go unchallenged!>

<How chaotic would it be if we had the guilty speak?>

<Unthinkable!>

<They might try convincing us they aren’t guilty>

<That’d be terrible!>

<We’d never get any judgements done!>

The was a loud bang.

<Now, the sentence is set, but there is a bail! Logseer!>

There was a certain amount of clattering.

<Err, excuse me, but you happen to be sitting on it>

<Oh really, sorry about that>

The log having been extracted, the Logseer gave a gentle cough.

<The guilty have kindly offered to sell all their goods at bargain prices to clear the debt of guilt>

<How noble>

<How civilized>

<Just right>

<Does that count the pots? I need a new bin in my nest>

“Wait, we can’t sell the honey-drink, our village will starve!” Ismi objected.

<Don’t be illogical, you would never be selling them to us if that was the case>

<I for one am quite doubtful about the existence of this village>

<I’ve certainly never seen it>

As the tailless slugs ignored the frulids, there was another sound, this was not a voice, nor a bang, nor a clatter.

It was a crashing sound followed by a splintering sound and chased by a sloshing sound.

 

[I seem to have hit a bit of a rough patch, my apologies I ask for your patience, I’ll get back on track]