Chapter 9: The song that doesn’t stop until it did, White Hot Exploding Music.

The Firelord’s Grand Snuffer, Laud Boum, an explodahead. He would have caused panic and fear even had he not been one of the Firelord’s generals. Explodaheads are after all, feared for their destructive prowess. In spite of the abject panic they cause, they aren’t even very big, being around four conepeople high.

They are usually black in skin colour, though those that aren’t often end up blackened by explosions. A denizen that is humanoid in shape, having triangluar tumbs, fingers and toes, with two toes on each foot and two fingers on each hand. There main feature however is that which gives them their name, their head.

This head varies in shape and size, but the most common is a head shaped like a bullet, usually without eyes, and sporting a large grin, not that the grin can be helped as lips just aren’t a thing explodaheads have. The head of an explodahead, naturally enough, explodes. It goes boom, or bang, that sort of thing. After the head explodes, a new one grows, though the rate of growth varies and some can even grow new heads before the old ones are gone. They can explode their head at will, but impact can also cause an explosion. Many Explodaheads carry primitive or bizarrely advanced guns, bazookas, cannons, mortars or other weapons to fire their head from.

These weapons are important to them, as one explodahead looks very much like the other usually. Their weapons are one of the ways they tell each other apart and show their individuality, in fact, in a group of explodaheads, the explodahead with the fanciest gun and biggest explosions is quite likely to end up leader.

Now, this destructive power is reason enough to panic at the sight of an explodahead, but there is one other thing about them. An explodahead is virtually indestructible. Explosions don’t harm them, rather if they are somehow wounded, an explosion will even heal them. Their skin is absurdly tough, and most bladed weapons will simply bounce off.

Now, all of this is intimidating enough and would still be so even if explodaheads were naturally peaceful, but there is a very common mentality among explodaheads.

They think exploding is the best thing ever.

To be fair, most denizens would think this too if they could explode at will, live unharmed after it and be able to explode again. It is like how a denizen that flies considers that to be great, well, like that only more environmentally destructive. As a side note, most explodaheads’ jokes end with “and then there was an explosion!”.

The Grand Snuffer was one of these formidable denizens. He wore the tattered ashy remains of a robe likely magical to have lasted so long on an explodahead’s body. What really drew the eye however was was the helmet and shoulder pads he wore. Calling them that didn’t do them justice they were one piece and rather than mere armour, a mass pipes rose from his shoulders and helmet, though they were more cannon than pipe. These pipes were also blackened by soot, but a glittering golden metal sometimes shone through. It was almost like he wore some manner of pipe organ, but it had too much the look of a weapon.

Where his head would have been there was a metal face, devoid of the explodahead grin and glaring forth from rectangular eye slots was white hot power.

So many times had Lupix’s Band fled from Laud Boum, never once fighting, but running as fast as they could. Now, he was before them, blocking their way to freedom.

“Kakakaka! I have you now FIRE HOWLER… and your band too! Underground you are trapped like… like… uh”

“Furmines?” Specker offered, not really seeing how they were those rat-cockroach pests. After all everyone knew musicians weren’t nearly as tasty as furmines.

“Yessss, like FURMINES, trapped like furmines!”

Laud struck a pose and pointed at Lupix.

“Well, what say you FIRE HOWLER! What say you now that I have finally caught you, there is no place to run or uh… HIDE! Kakakaka!”

Lupix of course said nothing, she couldn’t, not that Laud knew. She really wanted to make a smart quip too, perhaps something about how Laud spoke. As it was, she couldn’t say anything.

Luad shook, then turned from the band, and began muttering to himself.

“Not a word eh? Is that it? Does she think I’m not worthy of words is that it? But I spent a good twenty minutes planning that entrance and stuff, was it not impressive enough? Maybe I should have exploded more…”

Laud went silent, and turned back to a puzzled lupix and band.

“Now that it has come to this…” He stepped closer.

Lupix and the band stepped back.

“There can be only one conclusion” He stepped closer again, menacingly.

Lupix and the band stepped further back.

“YES” Laud shouted, and the band jumped in shock. He struck a pose, one hand on hip, the other pointing at Lupix.

“aaaahhhhhhh! he’s going to blow us up!” Mik screamed.

“I’m too pointy and handsome to die!” Am ‘P’ claimed.

“I don’t want to become conepaste!” Specker protested.

“Now we must have a battle of MUSIC! Kakakaka!” He shouted.

Koul rippled and shifted

“I won’t let you… wait what? A battle of music? You aren’t going to just blow us up?” Koul questioned, confused by this turn of events.

“What? uh… of course not, I must prove myself SUPERIOR!, my music against yours…” Laud explained.

“Oh, ok good, we thought you were just going to blow us up, being the Firelord’s Grand Snuffer and all that” Am ‘P’ said.

“Oh well, uh after I prove myself SUPERIOR! I’ll totally blow you all up, orders are orders, and the Firelord makes some pretty neat explosions, even if he is kinda cranky”

“Well drat then” Mik said.

“Kinda cranky?” Koul uttered in disbelief.

For someone to refer to the Firelord as kinda cranky… Koul cut the thought, Laud was an explodahead after all.

The eyeslots on Laud Boum’s armored face clanged shut. He began to play on his exploding pipe organ ordnance.

The laughter came, as if there had been some wonderful joke, and then the explosions. Blasting music rumbled out of his pipes. It was a song of manic laughter, destruction and of course explosions. This particular song was an Original of Laud’s Boum’s. He unlike Lupix was great at composing. His heads exploded with inspiration now.

He had not at first been a musician. When he began chasing Lupix and her band, he just had two shoulder cannons that he fired heads out of, but the more times he came close to catching them, the more of their music he heard. From those moments, a fever took him, his weapon became more and more like an instrument the more music he heard, and as the only music he heard was Lupix’s and her band’s he first tried imitating them, but that didn’t work well.

Then, he noticed just how musical explosions could be. His music, like explosions became powerful, and explosive. Bursts of energy and silence, flashes of sound. He revelled in it. To Lupix and the band, the music was at once familiar and utterly foreign. Laud had learned music from them, but his music was wholly his own, new and shocking.

The song had no name, because Laud did not know that songs could have names, though to him this song was “The one that starts, stops and bursts and breaks the stops”. It had such a vitality that Lupix hadn’t even thought to fight back, she was enjoying it that much, it didn’t seem like anything that the Firelord, the owner of such hungry greedy flames should have.

Koul, however, was not as much of a musician as Lupix and so he was not so entrapped. He leapt in front of her, taking the brunt of one of Laud’s exploding musical notes. It wasn’t even as if Laud had being trying to hit them, the music was just that wild. Looking about Koul even saw that the conepeople were in awe of Laud’s cackling blasting music.

He had to do something, and do it fast. He began a beat, as he shielded Lupix and the conepeople. He tried to beat out a song, but to his horror, he found himself adding to Laud’s song, not only that, but laud had heard the sound of his explosions hitting off of Koul and now the sound of that was part of his song too!

Koul’s actions however had freed Lupix and the others from their astonishment, and they too tried to start up a song. Lupix found as she sung, her flame blasted out from her, exploding with laughter, Laud’s delight infecting her. The flaming music too was part of his starting and stopping song. Even when she played her thunder-lute, that just gave bangs to Laud’s bursts. His pipes yelled out, the song taking this all as hilarious.

The conepeople faired no better, Mik’s trumpet guffawed and the notes blew up. Am ‘P’ ‘s Xylophone just had little popping explosions. Specker’s Conish bandball thrummed, and merely extended the joke of the song.

Laud’s laughter grew and grew and his music burst and broke all the stops. Lupix however, after playing and hearing the song got an idea. They played along for a while, but then, Lupix suddenly stopped, her flame dying from the explosions. The rest of the band, from familiarity with Lupix, stopped with her.

Laud took this chance to explode it up a notch, rocketing into an impressive solo with his exploding pipe organ ordinance music. He felt his superiority had been proved, that he had won. Little did he know, that he had fallen into Lupix’s trap!

There was a gap in his solo, as his music died down.

Lupix sang out, harmonious laughing flame coming from deep within her, bursting from her body, the cavern shook with the force of it, and she claimed the song as her own, “the song that had no stops, that couldn’t be stopped”

The flame became exploding flowers that had heard the best joke. Cackling sparks. Koul’s drums bashed their way past any stops. Laud was a part of this new song, and forgot himself in it, he just found it too great, too awesome, how could he stop, the song wouldn’t! The song rose and rose, laughter with no end in sight, Everyone was laughing, everything seemed so silly. For a moment, There wasn’t a princess of the fire howlers and the grand snuffer of the firelord.

There was just two musicians, laughing at the absurd, taking joy in the explosion. Lupix had taken Laud’s song, and pushed it even further. Then, the moment was lost, Lupix’s voice, her flame hit a stop and she remembered, but the joke wasn’t finished.

The end had come. Lupix’s hands left her thunder-lute, though it now played itself as the rest of the song brust and broke out. Flame poured into Koul, not burning or hurting him. His single eye exploded with fire and his body was wreathing in giggling embers. He warped and cracked and grew fearsome as his kind the rebcubres could.

Then Koul knew how the song ended. He rushed at Laud, still playing his drums, the cavern they were in was falling to pieces. He grabbed the ends of Laud’s pipes and twisted them closed. Laud just laughed and laughed.

Laud’s exploding pipe organ ordinance began to expand and glowed white hot, the song had to end as all Explodahead jokes did.

…and then there was an explosion.