Sunder…
Late Myriad Era…
“Welcome back to Rouge Rogue Cast, everyone who was watching, and hello those who just joined us! I’m your host Crimson Red! It’s the second half of this Hang Basketball qualifier match in the G.A.P. tournament, team Mouldy Toffee O vs team CityCity. There’s a bit of a delay, the players haven’t gotten back into the cage yet.
I’ll refresh your memories about the teams while we wait. Mouldy Toffee O, well you can guess from the name, just like the first Mouldy Toffee way back when and in a totally different sport, these guys want to stand right on the top, we’ll see if they live up to the legends forged by the bearers of that name.
They’re a ragtag bunch, Gazed, Tainted, Mockeries, you name it they’ve got it. You’d think these kids came from slums, but they’re all fairly neat, straight edge guys. The guys to watch are Big Loma and Little Briggan. Loma’s a… well, nobody is sure, but whatever he is, he’s big and mean, I don’t think I’ve seen a player that large before. You ya think the hoops creak while he hangs from them? What’s real scary is that his legs and arms are perfectly balanced.
A lot of subpar players don’t work their legs enough, and then they wonder why they lose. Sure, you gotta be able to swing yourself about on the hoops, but you can only touch the ball with your feet. Work those legs!
Speaking of legs, Briggan is small, but that bird is all leg. He might look funny for a birdman, but toss me if he can’t work magic with those golden legs.
Huh, still delays, did someone get lost in their locker or something? Whatever, guess I’ll go over the other side, the one everyone expects to win, but apart from their fans, don’t want to win. Yes, CityCity’s had some serious wobblers the past season, I mean, they’re having to play in the qualifiers for Sun’s sake! Still, they’ve been on the warpath here in the qualifiers but the score stands today at 1 – 1!
All the players of CityCity were kicked out from other city teams, but when we’re talking CityCity, we’re talking the four Dukes of Harvest! Course, its just three now. Rest in Relhs Freaktaker, I’m sure at least your mother loved you.
The Duke of Disasters in the Air! None other than the mysterious mishap Hoola! Serious, there hasn’t been a single season that lizard hasn’t gotten into some ludicrous mess. Remember that time he ended up causing everyone to fall from the hoops? I’ve got the clip right here, lemme play it.
‘WOOO WOOO WOOO’
That still looks painful
‘ARE YOU TOSSING ME HOOLA! GET YOUR ARM OUT OF MY EYE!’
‘My kidneys’
‘The dragon god has forsaken us’
‘I’ll never have kids’
‘Everything is pain’
‘WOOO WOOO’
Amazing that nobody broke anything, such a beautiful mound of people, an eternal work of art. I’m getting a little bit worried for our match here folks, but hey I’ll just keep going over stuff the old-blood already know, jokes on you oldbloods, most of my viewers are newbies who switch to other casters once they discover how much I hate them with every fibre of my being.
Second up we have the Duke of Dukes, The man with seven hair colours and a mole shaped like his face, Gavren Bomku! He’s a lunatic for sure. Not much to that alhume other than that. For your own sanity, don’t look up anything about what hair and where he dyes.
There’s reasons why these guys aren’t on their former city teams folks.
Finally the Helm Duke, the one most people actually would care about, three time saviour of his homecity Helm Warrior X! I don’t know what he’s doing on the team either folks. I don’t even know why he was on his old city team. I guess he just really likes the game. Who knows what he is thinking behind that tacky helmet?
Oho! The players are finally out and… what? What? WHAT!
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE FOLKS? HELM WARRIOR X IS WEARING MOULDY TOFFEE’S COLOURS!
BRIGGAN IS ON CITYCITY’S TEAM?
HAVE I BEEN POPPING DODGY PILLS HERE?!?
THIS DOESN’T SEEM LEGAL BUT THE REFS AREN’T DOING ANYTHING! THE CROWD IS GOING MAD!
Right, sorry folks, but this is ludicrous! They’re starting play. They’re actually starting play, is this ok? There’s the ball toss, I can’t believe they are actually doing… what was that rumble?
SOMEONE’S BROKEN INTO THE CAGE AND HAS THE BALL, WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS INTRUDER? WAIT THOSE COWPRINT UNDERPANTS, THOSE CYBERNETIC LIMBS IN THE SHAPE OF WOMEN, THAT MUSCLED HUNCHBACKED FORM!
OH MY DRAGON! IT’S HIM, ITS JERKY PLAYER! ARCH ENEMY OF HELM WARRIOR X!
HE’S EVEN DOING HIS SIGNATURE CREEPY LAUGH, LEMME CENSOR IT FOR YOU.
REF, REF SHOULDN’T YOU CALL SECURITY, WAIT WHY ARE YOU TAKING THE RULECARD OUT!
THE MADMAN, THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN, HE’S DECLARED THE MATCH A CAPTURE TYPE!
WHICHEVER TEAM MANAGES TO TAKE THE BALL FROM JERKY PLAYER OR TAKE HIM DOWN WINS!
This… this… ahem, I guess he can do this because of Helm Warrior X’s legal status, no way this would fly otherwise.
Oh, man, I was expecting a fight, but Jerky Player has just gotten lynched. Oh wait he’s up, no wait Hoola slipped from his hoop and is now hanging from Jerky’s underpants. That’s not a pretty sight.
I’m sure he regrets coming here today.
Jerky’s crying, he’s crying folks.
He’s handing the ball to Helm Warrior X, he’s apologizing and waiting to be cuffed.
Well, I don’t think anyone was expecting this second half to turn out like that. Looks like Jerky will be going back to the slammer and poor Hoola might have a harrassment lawsuit on his hands, what a world we live in.
Still, in this qualifying match for the G.A.P. tournament, Mouldy Toffee O goes through! Is this the end for CityCity? Will we finally see them no more?
I don’t know about you filthy regulars, but I’m going to watch some animoo to get Jerky Player and Gavren out of my head. This is Crimson Red of Rouge Rogue Cast signing off, don’t forget to give me money, I don’t want to eat from the cans my forefathers left me again.”